Will Durst Will Durst, 8/5/2019 [Archive]

The Best Words

The Best Words

Raging Moderate by Will Durst


Nobody knows what the earliest word used by humans was. The general consensus is the Sumerians developed the first written language around 3500 BC, using wedge-shaped symbols called cuneiform. Scholars hypothesize that the first word was either "ouch" or "me," although "pie" had to have been up there since the shapes surely reminded the Sumerians of it.

For the last 5,500 years humans have spent lifetimes searching for the best words to communicate. The precise word can make the difference between understanding and confusing people to the point of banging their heads against metal railings until blood drips out their ears. It doesn't help that individual words can have many definitions, such as "gross," which can mean... icky, large, 144 or the thought of Mitch McConnell naked.

President Donald Trump claims he knows the best words, though while he keeps saying he's got them, curiously, we never get to see or hear them. 45 obviously realizes how precious they are and keeps them locked up in order not to waste them. Along with his best people.

The Democrats' think they have some pretty good words, too, and trotted out some superlative ones in the debates last week. As we have learned, those words can be inspirational, aspirational, confrontational, nondenominational or generational, but are definitely not necessarily connected to reality. And as predictable as finding blueberry muffins the size of aspirins at a breakfast buffet.

Writers strain mightily to use not just good words, but the very best possible ones, and most books are just different rearrangements of those words. All 20 of the Democratic candidates apparently read the same book because they squawked out the same exact things, behaving not unlike well-groomed parrots.

Each and every one of them is pro-good and anti-bad. On the side of the angels, not the demons. The cops. Not the criminals. Looking to go to heaven, not North Korea. They unanimously stand against cancer, love families and puppies and think we should plan to start at the beginning.

Education? Yes, indeed. You bet. They're big fans. Corruption? Nope. Not in favor one bit. And on that you can quote them. The future? That, my friends, is yet to come. And something we must all work towards. Together. Because working together is the only sure path to tomorrow.

Health care is good, but only good health care, not bad health care or insufficient or poorly administered health care. Let's face it, bad health care is not good. Universal health care can be good or bad. So they want the good kind.

They hate hypocrites and revere the clergy. And their thoughts and prayers are with us in El Paso and Dayton and everywhere else that needs to be strong. And we need to get rid of the guns. Okay, just the bad guns. What? Wait. Oh, sorry, never mind, erase that.

And we're definitely going to need more free stuff, like tuition and child-care and a guaranteed income. But we also should have a strong defense and border security and a powerhouse economy and clean air and water. You know what this country needs: more good stuff. And less bad stuff.

So let's get to it, shall we? How? By working together.

And then we can have pie.

-

Copyright 2019, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comic and former sod farmer in New Berlin, Wisconsin. For a calendar of personal appearances, including his new one-man show, "Durst Case Scenario," please visit willdurst.com.

Download Will Durst's color photo - Download Will Durst's black and white mug shot photo
Why not run a cartoon with the column? We recommend the cartoons below as a good compliment to Will Durst's topic.
Click on the thumbnail images to preview and download the cartoons.

Related Cartoons

Dem Debates
By: Dave Whamond

July 29, 2019

Dem Debates
By: Dave Whamond

July 29, 2019

Heavy Dems
By: Steve Sack

August 1, 2019

Heavy Dems
By: Steve Sack

August 1, 2019

Donkey Tales
By: Pat Bagley

August 1, 2019

Donkey Tales
By: Pat Bagley

August 1, 2019

Democrats Medicare for All
By: Taylor Jones

July 23, 2019

Democrats Medicare for All
By: Taylor Jones

July 23, 2019

Donkey Debates
By: Bill Day

July 31, 2019

Donkey Debates
By: Bill Day

July 31, 2019

We do not accept and will not review unsolicited submissions from cartoonists.
Sales & Information: (805) 969-2829 sales@cagle.com
Billing Information: (805) 969-2829billing@cagle.com
Technical Support: support@cagle.com

FREE cartoons for your website if you're already a paying print subscriber!
Artwork and columns are copyrighted by each creator. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. Privacy Policy | Terms of Service