Will Durst Will Durst, 7/22/2011 [Archive]

Back in the Fold

Back in the Fold

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Give Congress the benefit of the doubt and say they do work out a compromise on the debt ceiling extension. This country could still slip into default, leading to the worst possible scenario imaginable -- we have to move back in with England. Who's going to be happy then? Nobody. You think it's embarrassing slinking home after graduating college, try waiting 235 years.

Already dreading the dressing down we'll be forced to patiently endure should we make it through the front door. "Well, well, well, look who's back. Seems someone couldn't hack it out on our own, could they, Mister I'm Ready for Independence? How's it feel to be labeled a fading superpower? Not much bloody fun being mocked by the neighbors, is it boyo?

"Notice you didn't rush right over to your good friend China's house. What's the matter, did you have a fight with your new BFF? Or are they wanting their loans back? What about Egypt? Don't they owe you a bit of something? Or did you squander it away like your post 9/11 goodwill? Typical.

"So. Here you are. I suppose you'll be wanting your old room back. Well, you can forget it. Pakistan has been renting that room for almost three decades. Very tidy people. And quiet. Too quiet, if you ask me. But they cook. Nice break for your mother. Stinks up the kitchen a bit with all those spices, but quite tasty, really.

"What in Hades is wrong with you? Why couldn't you manage your money better, like your younger brother Canada? Yes, they're a bit boring, but solid as Gibraltar. You never see Canada in the foyer with their bags around their feet like a homeless person. Nose to the grindstone, that's Canada in a nutshell. Still respect their Royals. Nothing like you or that drunken lout Australia, but don't get me started.

"Okay. Now, this is totally against my better judgment but your mother says you can crash on the basement couch. Just for a couple of weeks, mind you. But this isn't the Ritz. While you live in this house, you will live by our rules, mister. That means the TV shuts off at 10 p.m. Sharp. And yes, there are only four channels. Stop whining.

"No more making fun of the Queen. You hear me? And not a single, smirking word about Rupert Murdoch. Can't say your hands are altogether clean on that one, now can we? Look at me when I'm talking to you. And get this through your thick skull, health care is free. For everybody. The stitches may be a mite larger than you're accustomed from your fancy Beverly Hills surgeons, but I dare say you'll get used to it.

"One last thing, no more wars. If I hear of one more scrape you've gotten yourself into, you'll be back on the street so fast it'll make David Cameron's head spin. Faster. Nobody wants you mucking about with your sticky little fingers in their business anymore. Do we understand each other? Good.

"Now get yourself downstairs. Unpack and wash up. Put on a tie. Supper's at 5:00. By the looks of you, I'd wager you haven't missed many meals. And straighten up while you're down there. Make sure there's a clean spot under the stairwell; we're setting up a cot. Ireland just called. They're on their way over."

The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today." Check out his website, willdurst.com, to find out more about upcoming stand-up performances or to buy his book, "The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing."

Copyright© 2011, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Sales at (805) 969-2829 or e-mail sales@cagle.com. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst's book, "The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing," is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don't forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Download Will Durst's color photo - Download Will Durst's black and white mug shot photo
Why not run a cartoon with the column? We recommend the cartoons below as a good compliment to Will Durst's topic.
Click on the thumbnail images to preview and download the cartoons.

Related Cartoons

Debt Ceiling Color
By: Daryl Cagle
Slate.com
July 17, 2011

Debt Ceiling
By: Daryl Cagle
Slate.com
July 17, 2011

Captain America
By: Nate Beeler

July 22, 2011

Captain America COLOR
By: Nate Beeler

July 22, 2011

Negotiating Table
By: Adam Zyglis

July 18, 2011

The Adults In The Room
By: R.J. Matson

July 18, 2011

The Adults In The Room-COLOR
By: R.J. Matson

July 18, 2011

Countdown to Default COLOR
By: Mike Keefe
The Denver Post
July 15, 2011

 Con  The reasonable approach
By: Eric Allie

July 19, 2011

 Con  The reasonable approach Color
By: Eric Allie

July 19, 2011

We do not accept and will not review unsolicited submissions from cartoonists.
Sales & Information: (805) 969-2829 sales@cagle.com
Billing Information: (805) 969-2829billing@cagle.com
Technical Support: support@cagle.com

FREE cartoons for your website if you're already a paying print subscriber!
Artwork and columns are copyrighted by each creator. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. [Privacy Policy]