Will Durst Will Durst, 6/10/2011 [Archive]

Weinergate

Weinergate

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Trust me. I really wanted to avoid the groin-tweeting thing altogether, but you might as well try to avert your eyes from a bullfight in a bowling alley. To the average civilian, the subject must seem riper than a three-week-old banana for major mocking and scoffing and taunting. Slam-dunking from a step-ladder. The problem is: How do you parody a parody?

Unfortunately, the unfortunately named Anthony Weiner is the only game in town, sucking all the oxygen out of the newsroom. For instance, it's almost impossible to discover the subject of Sarah Palin's newest Revisionist History Lesson. Did Abraham Lincoln declare war on the French to sabotage tort reform? Even the resignation of Newt Gingrich's entire campaign staff went relatively unnoticed. Apparently their love of their country is just too strong.

And the whole brouhaha is the New York Democrat's own damn fault. There wouldn't have been half the outcry if his name wasn't a synonym for sausage. After all, the choice of pronunciation is his. Could have taken a page out of John Boehner's playbook. Of course, boner-baner is way different than wiener-whiner. Whiner is still a lousy name for a politician. Appropriate perhaps, especially for a Democrat, but lousy nonetheless. It's one of those rock-and-a-hard-place deals. But he could have gone bold: 'Yes, its spelled W-E-I-N-E-R, but we pronounce it-- Schultz.'

His singular consolation has to be his parents didn't add to his misery by christening him Richard. Or Harry. It's Anthony. Tony Weiner. Which sounds like a high-class hot dog. Or, the cartoon mascot in that animated short we saw in fifth-grade health class about the reproductive system. 'Hi, Kids! I'm Tony Wiener. Ready for a fast ride down the fallopian tube? Okay! Hard hats on? Let's go.'

Congressman Weiner (and boy, isn't that turning out to be generically redundant) first lied about his unique approach to junk mail, but after allegations piled up like parking tickets on an abandoned VW Van in a white zone, he broke down and was frank about his franking. At long last, he finally could say with certitude that the crotch in question was indeed his.

The Brett Favre wannabe admitted sexting six different women he met online, including a porn star, who reported that he tried to get her to lie about their relationship, but she refused. Pretty sad when the porn industry exhibits higher standards of integrity than Congress. But that's old news.

So far, Weiner has resisted all calls to step down, which ironically has the Democratic leadership muttering unprintable imprecations under their breath. But the guy didn't break any laws. He's just a lout. And you can't force members of Congress to resign for being an oaf or you'd never be able to assemble a quorum. Besides, I'd be surprised if Harry Reid knows what a Twitter is.

To say that expressions of party support have been scarce is similar to noting that few Episcopal ministers sport flamboyantly inked dragon neck tattoos. Not even good friend Bill Clinton has spoken out in defense of his fellow serial womanizer. Bill Clinton, who officiated at Weiner's wedding. And doesn't that explain a lot. Amongst other accomplishments we can now add to the former president's resume -- carrier. Typhoid Bubba.

The New York Times says Emmy-nominated comedian and writer Will Durst 'is quite possible the best political satirist working in the country today.' Check out his website willdurst.com to find out more about upcoming stand-up performances or to buy his book, 'The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing.'

Copyright© 2011, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Sales at (805) 969-2829 or e-mail sales@cagle.com. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at durst@caglecartoons.com. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst's book, 'The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,' is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don't forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Download Will Durst's color photo - Download Will Durst's black and white mug shot photo
Why not run a cartoon with the column? We recommend the cartoons below as a good compliment to Will Durst's topic.
Click on the thumbnail images to preview and download the cartoons.

Related Cartoons

Weiners Little Fella
By: Pat Bagley

June 7, 2011

Weiners Little Fella
By: Pat Bagley

June 7, 2011

China Hacking
By: Nate Beeler

June 10, 2011

China Hacking COLOR
By: Nate Beeler

June 10, 2011

Clear History-COLOR
By: R.J. Matson

June 7, 2011

Clear History
By: R.J. Matson

June 7, 2011

Weiners weiner COLOR
By: Mike Keefe
The Denver Post
June 7, 2011

Weiners weiner
By: Mike Keefe
The Denver Post
June 7, 2011

Weiner roasted COLOR
By: John Cole

June 8, 2011

Weiner roasted BW
By: John Cole

June 8, 2011

Weiner Twitter
By: John Darkow

June 7, 2011

Weinergate
By: Bob Englehart

June 8, 2011

Weinergate / COLOR
By: Bob Englehart

June 8, 2011

Sex Scandals COLOR
By: Cameron Cardow
The Ottawa Citizen
June 8, 2011

Sex Scandals
By: Cameron Cardow
The Ottawa Citizen
June 8, 2011

We do not accept and will not review unsolicited submissions from cartoonists.
Sales & Information: (805) 969-2829 sales@cagle.com
Billing Information: (805) 969-2829billing@cagle.com
Technical Support: support@cagle.com

FREE cartoons for your website if you're already a paying print subscriber!
Artwork and columns are copyrighted by each creator. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. [Privacy Policy]