Will Durst Will Durst, 6/27/2016 [Archive]

Donald Trump, the Nigerian Prince of Politics

Raging Moderate by Will Durst

Donald Trump likes to brag he's not a politician. And he's not; he's a hustler, a scam artist, a grifter, a modern day P.T. Barnum who deserves congratulations for running the ultimate con on the American people. He's a carnie with a glob of inedible cotton candy on his head.

Financial reports filed with the Federal Election Commission reveal someone focused on the best interests of Trump Inc. rather than the country. To him, we are the designated losers in this year's rigged edition of "Presidential Apprentice."

In 2000 Trump told Fortune Magazine, "It's very possible I could be the first presidential candidate to run and make money off of it." And that's obviously the goal. He's got four and a half months to make as much money as possible and is full speed ahead pursuing his windfall like a kid on Halloween a half hour before curfew.

For the New York businessman, it is now, has been and always shall be, all about the Benjamins. His wife and kids are on the payroll. So is an ex- wife and a couple of contestants from "The Apprentice." And probably John Miller, the name he used when masquerading as his own publicist.

Almost a fifth of the money he spent in the month of May went to his companies, subsidiaries and properties. He billed his campaign over $400,000 for an event at the Florida resort, Mar-A-Lago, where Trump lives. He undoubtedly did that thing hospitals do by charging a hundred bucks for each ply of toilet paper. Trump branded toilet paper of course. Got to get me some of that.

Another half million went to Trump Tower, the other place he lives. He's charging himself to sleep in his own bed. Wonder if Melania charges as well. Trump even paid himself $3,000. Which works out to $750 a week. An attempt to find out how the other 99 percent lives? Not likely.

Trump paid out $4.5 million to TAG Air for private jets. And guess who the CEO of TAG Air is? That's right. Don the Con. Some other products the campaign purchased are Trump Wine, Trump Steaks, Trump Water and we shouldn't be surprised to discover an itemized expense for Trump luggage to carry around the Trump ego.

All that talk about self-funding was just more snake oil sold to us rubes. Another bogus plea from the Nigerian Prince of politics. He didn't give money to his campaign, he lent it $37 million and expects to be paid back by the Republican National Committee. The man is the Florence of malfeasance.

He loans money to the Trump Campaign which spends money on his properties, then solicits contributions from wealthy donors to pay himself back the money he loaned his campaign to buy stuff from himself.

This has to be straight out of a course at Trump University. Double Dipping 101. His scampaign is nothing but a shell game with the GOP as the mark. Paul Ryan has a big old X on his back that can only be seen under infrared light.

It's the classic vulture capitalist scenario. Swoop in, grab the money, then leave everyone else to clean up the mess. A Presidential Ponzi Scheme. Or in this case... a Donzi Scheme. Bernie Madoff would be proud.

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Copyright © 2016, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former Pizza Hut assistant manager. For sample videos and a calendar of personal appearances including his new one-man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at the San Francisco Marsh, go to willdurst.com.



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