Alexandra Paskhaver

History rules
A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the SAT. With this harrowing warning in mind, we would do well to review at least the basics of U.S. history. Otherwise, we — and here I am speaking to those who have long forgotten..
2025-09-24
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When in Rome
When in Rome, eat plenty of gelato. I found myself in the world’s capital of ice cream this past year. But instead of learning how gelato is made (I always assumed it grew on ice cream trees), I was mobbed with a bunch of foodies insistent on teac..
2025-09-18
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No makeovers for me
Manicures are not for the faint of heart. I got one this past Friday, and I had to sit facing Arnold Schwarzenegger the whole time. Okay, okay, so he wasn’t “the” Arnold Schwarzenegger. But he was a super buff dude who did nails and hair, he s..
2025-09-10
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Pool troubles
My parents wanted a house first and a backyard second. When they found out their backyard consisted mainly of water, they surely must have had second thoughts about the house. But buy it they did, and the pool came with it. For all you families out ..
2025-09-04
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A Day at the beach
Going to the beach is not for the faint of heart. The female wing of the family decided to take a trip to the waterfront last weekend, and Dad was immediately not on board. To Dad, the beach means sand in everyone’s clothes, sand in our bags, and ..
2025-08-27
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Be like Homer Simpson
We all should be more like Homer Simpson. Now, I know Homer is a fat, bald cartoon character, but hear me out. It is the Homers of this world that do far, far more for world peace and prosperity than anybody else. Look at Homer in his power plant. D..
2025-08-21
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Acting out
I used to think I was a great actor. I still think that, partially because I’m more stuck-up than a Post-it, but also because I was finally asked to do what only the greatest actors are asked to do. No, I wasn’t asked to play Hamlet or Lady Macb..
2025-08-15
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Driving one crazy
I don’t know how to drive. Oh, of course I have a driver’s license. Getting one of those is easy enough. All you have to do is nail your parallel parking, and the state deems you fit to careen around the roads. I haven’t done a lot of wild dri..
2025-07-31
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When the dog days end
It’s hard to lose a dog. My family adopted a golden retriever named Watson on Jan. 17, 2015. He was a silly-looking puppy, with red, floppy ears and a nose that seemed too big for his face. He was one out of 11 puppies, the first one to walk towar..
2025-07-24
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The life of the birthday party
If you’ve never babysat 27 eight-year-olds, you have not learned the true meaning of suffering. My luck has never been good, particularly on weekends. I was ready to chill with a nice cup of hot tea and watch movies all day when I received a call ..
2025-07-21
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Sunday in the park with George Washington
If I ever want to get a bridge named after me, I need to contribute to national unity. I’m more or less incapable of uniting anything more complex than peanut butter and jelly. This makes the job rather difficult. But I am not discouraged. I focus..
2025-07-09
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The true meaning of July 4
Every year, there comes a day that we Americans celebrate by blowing stuff up and putting down large servings of meat. That day, July 4, commemorates our creation as a nation. As God is our witness, we swear we will never be hungry again, and we won..
2025-07-02
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Alexandra Paskhaver

Alexandra Paskhaver is a software engineer and writer. Both jobs require knowing where to stick semicolons, but she’s never quite; figured; it; out. For more information, check out her website at https://apaskhaver.github.io.